Potluck: A Brief Horror Story

The word potluck makes me anxious, even now that I am old enough to have scheduling conflicts.

I can still feel the warm weight of paper plates sagging precariously in my hands,

Odd juices running together as I make my way

Across gray, industrial tiles,

Fluorescent lights blazing upon:

Norwegian Chop Suey

Potato salad slathered in Miracle Whip and pickle relish

Jello with grated carrots and cottage cheese

Fruit salad with Cool Whip and marshmallows

Hamburger Helper

Broccoli with Cheez Whiz

“Hot Dish”

Anything involving a can of cream of something soup

Or canned peas

And then, at the end,

Mincemeat pie.

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In case you’re wondering “Wait! What’s wrong with pie?”…let me assure you that real mincemeat pie involves meat. Like rump steak and beef suet. As well as piles of sugar and raisins. Don’t believe me? Click here for a recipe.