Today’s Plan: Free-falling into my Box of Grief

Link: https://www.flickr.com/photos/johntwohig/9728292503/
Link: https://www.flickr.com/photos/johntwohig/9728292503/

Forty-five days ago my father died.

Shortly thereafter, the following advice magically appeared in my inbox: “Free-fall into what’s happening.”

I didn’t want to do that.

I’ve been afraid to think or digest or write or talk or feel. Luckily, I haven’t had time to do so.

I could fill today, too–with my stupid, endless lists and obligations–but for once, I put wallow on the list.

I’ve tucked my box of grief into a corner and left it to fester, to rot, to multiply and mutate. it’s time to bring it out in the daylight and examine its contents.

My plan:

  • Write.
  • Drink lots of decaf and eat something lovely and chocolate.
  • Listen to beautiful, sad music.
  • Make something I like.
  • Go for a walk. Sit in a tree.
  • Watch a Very Sad Movie. Bring lots of tissues.
  • See what happens.

But first, let me move the car. Parking tickets are not therapeutic.

Published by

Beret Olsen

Writer, photographer, teacher, and part-time insomniac.

7 thoughts on “Today’s Plan: Free-falling into my Box of Grief”

  1. I hope today goes well for you. I agree that you need to face your grief, pushing it down for too long will not be good in the long run. Just remember to be gentle with yourself. Take each moment as it comes, and don’t take on too much.
    It will slowly get better. It is now 6 months since I lost my Mum. It’s still hard, and very painful, but is slowly getting more manageable.

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  2. I’m sorry.. and a bit jealous that you get to sit in a tree.

    March 26 was a bad day for me. I was walked out of the building at work, after hours, the end of nearly 25 years with the company I had worked for. Since then it has felt like I lost a bit of my life, a good chunk of it actually, about the most stressful thing that has ever happened to me. So I guess I am saying this to say that I can relate to your depression. I dug in right away, made contact in less than two days with the man who eventually hired me for the job I started May 1. Keeping busy helped me cope, too.

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    1. The tree was good for the soul. I am impressed by your rally. Good for you. I dug right into graduations and presentations and chaperoning and house guests and the whole nine yards. Now I’m trying to dig out of this mess and let myself feel what I’m feeling for a moment.

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss. Do remember to be gentle with yourself, even though the roughness of grief. It can seep out of that box sometimes when you least expect it.

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