Dog for Sale

Somehow still ridiculously adorable.

Name: Millie.

Also known as: Knucklehead, Cujo.

Breed: Catahoula Cur + Junkyard Special

  • Diverse palate. Eats everything except brussels sprouts and dog food.
  • Frequently sleeps through the night without losing control of bowels. Special bonus: generously offers her humans four inches of the mattress plus all surrounding floor space.*
  • Knows the location of every dumpster and dead rat in a five-mile radius.
  • Rigorously enforces ambitious exercise routine. Great for New Year’s resolutions!
  • Is well-behaved on walks unless provoked by the existence of other mammals.
  • Will enthusiastically protect home from other household pets, the ice-maker, packages, brooms, the garage door, nearby pedestrians, that weird clang the oven makes, and Grandma.

Price: 50 pounds draped across your bladder every morning.

*Sorry. Blankets unavailable.

 

Published by

Beret Olsen

Writer, photographer, teacher, and part-time insomniac.

4 thoughts on “Dog for Sale”

  1. I couldn’t post a comment today. Login issues.

    But here’s what I wanted to say!

    So good to read your magic again! I am now the proud Gwamma to two granddogs, so this made me smile.

    You truly are a gifted writer. I always enjoy reading your blog no matter what you write about. May your holidays be filled with beauty and blessing!

    Happy holidays! Mindy

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    Like

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