Why I am not out Shooting Fabulous Photographs

A few years ago, I wrote a list of all the reasons that I was not out taking photographs. Here are fifty-five of them, pretty much intact. Few things have changed, though I did finally graduate and purchase a digital camera. Now technological issues hinder me more than the cost of film, and–since my father stopped driving–I worry about his health instead.

It is terribly disappointing to discover that I still sabotage myself in exactly the same ways. Self-awareness may be the first step, but it’s obviously not the only step necessary to get out of my own way and MAKE STUFF.

I dedicate this list to Larry Sultan, a teacher of such power, insight, and humor that I will be forever grateful for that one short semester I sat in his class.

Roughly Half of the Reasons Why I Am Not Out Shooting Fabulous Photographs Right Now

1. I was up last night worrying about the shoot.
2. The light is not right.
3. I cannot figure out the spot meter.
4. The camera is wobbly on the tripod.
5. I do not have a light tight place to load sheet film.
6. I do not know what to take a picture of.
7. I suspect that I am not really a photographer.
8. I need a snack.
9. If I don’t try too hard, then I have an excuse later if nothing comes out well.
10. I think I might be getting sick.
11. I am panicked about finances.
12. I need to pay the bills.
13. I was up last night because the cat was making a ruckus.
14. My professional life is in the toilet.
15. I still haven’t finished unpacking the boxes from my move four years ago.
16. I am perplexed that Alan Ernst has not responded to my emails.
17. I am worried about my father’s driving.
18. I can’t find my checkbook.
19. The zone system does not speak to me.
20. I need a few things from the store.
21. I should really call my mother.
22. No matter what I think of, someone has done it well already.
23. I am not sure what to do about the gophers.
24. I just thought of a great status update that I don’t want to waste.
25. I need to read a little theory to situate myself.
26. I should probably head out early in case traffic is bad on the bridge.
27. I haven’t finished my homework.
28. I need to pick a celebrity doppelganger for my facebook profile.
29. I missed the light for today.
30. When was my last dental appointment?
31. I feel a little queasy.
32. I haven’t finished my thank you notes.
33. It’s hard to think straight when the place is a mess.
34. I am afraid of disappointing myself.
35. I am afraid of disappointing Larry.
36. I am too wound up to concentrate.
37. I accidentally unwound too much.
38. I should really make travel arrangements for the holidays.
39. I think I forgot my brother’s birthday.
40. I feel guilty spending so much money on film.
41. And developing.
42. And paper.
43. Maybe I should do a little research on digital cameras.
44. Was that my phone?
45. I feel guilty spending time at art school while my kids are off growing up somewhere else.
46. A little yoga would really clear my head.
47. I’m almost out of cat litter.
48. My pants are too snug to be comfortable.
49. I need to update my resume.
50. I can’t concentrate with the kids running amok.
51. Now that they are in bed, I am too tired.
52. I need to reorganize my negatives.
53. I am worried that my parents are going to die.
54. I can’t find all of the equipment I need when I need it.
55. I probably don’t have enough time now to really get a good start.