Thanks to J.K. Rowling…vomit, booger, sausage, and earwax-flavored jelly beans already exist. Having recently reread the Harry Potter books and visited the Jelly Belly Factory, I started wondering if there were flavors that could never be made into jelly beans. I know the box says “Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans,” but surely there are lines which cannot be crossed.
Over the past weekend, I found myself happily sequestered with a motley crew of humans between the ages of 9 and 49, and in a slurpee-fueled brainstorming session, we came up with the following list of impossible flavors:
- Honey Bucket
- Chaps
- Hamster
- Jersey Shore
- Chicken Carpaccio
- Hobo
- Litter Box
- Codpiece
- Dog Breath
- Moth Ball
- Day-Old Sushi
- Poop Shoot
- School Lunch
- Urinal Cake
- Warm Mayo
- Hot Pocket
- Nursing Home
- BART Seat
- Cadaver
- Drakkar Noir
- Bromidrosis
- Failure
- Febreze
- Barney
- Budgie Smuggler
- Chum Bucket
- Toe Jam
- Dingleberry
- Gym Class
- Shart
- Douche
- Placenta Chutney
- Armpit
- Dumpster
- Fish Market
- Gangrene
- Val Kilmer
- Daycare
Have we missed any? Feel free to chime in. If you have been offended, my apologies. Be thankful that this list was heavily edited.
Bad Parenting 101 
Thanks, sister. I just wanted to let you know that I just shared this blog with my community of fellow William
Evans conference attendants.
Sounds like an important brainstorm session
Love you,
Solveig
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Haha! Thanks. This blog is not always completely inane–I promise!–but this past weekend I laughed more than I have in a long, long time.
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Stink Bug
Ball Sweat
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Ewww!
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Cornish Hen
Belly Lint
Peed a little
Compost Bin
Dutch Oven (where you fart under the shared blanket)
Wet Willy
Beggin’ Strips (doggie treats)
Mattery Eye
Backwash
Pitted Out
Gold Bond
Mustache
Reflux
Spittle
Justin Bieber
Used Kleenex
escargot
cataract
raw meat
burnt rubber
wet dog
oily hair
sharp knives
backed up
Sniff test
Discharge
Drank too much
Log
Teen spirit
(for that matter: teenager!)
Old washcloth
Wet burp
Desitin
Moldy grape
Pain
Skid marks
Entrails
Hankie
Bloody nose
Nervous Sweat
Arby’s
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OMG Kirsten! Hilarious! Peed a Little! Dutch Oven! Teen Spirit! So glad you threw in your two cents. 🙂
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